This has been a growing week for me, rather a "growing pains" week, my tree was pruned. Thank you God, I needed it.
It was no matter of luck or fate that I would start reading C.S. Lewis' Narnia series during the second week of potty training, the coldest week in January, and the week of a good over due confession.
Humility stings...I received a good heaping full this past week.
I now realize I am miserable at offering up inconveniences and can be so horribly irritable. Thank you potty training and thank you Lord for giving Christiana the bladder the size of a beetle so as to show me this lesson.
My husband also very kindly pointed out to me one of my faults, as all good husband should do if they are half serious at getting their spouses to Heaven. Afterward, I wanted to pull an ostrich and sink my head into the sand so no one could see me, but thank you Lord for giving me such an authentic and pure soul in my husband.
Some days, mostly during January through March, I wonder why God put me here in Kansas. The hibernation leaves lots of room for reading and thinking. I'm forced to do one of two things in the cold: curse and swear or be silent. This year, I'm finally somewhat silent.
God has a brilliant way of using other human instruments or life circumstances to gently show us where our pride blinded us. I realized how weak I am and how much I need Him.
In the book, A Horse and His Boy, Bree the horse fails miserably when he had a chance for glory and to save a girl in distress. Upon sulking and wanting to never show his face again, a wise garden hermit tells him,
"You are not quite the great horse you have come to think...it doesn't follow that you will be anyone very special in Narnia. But as long as you know you're nobody very special,you'll be a very decent sort of Horse, on the whole..."
I laughed when I read this because it stood out so poingnantly to me and this past week.
Not sure why our human nature leaves us with the tendancy to build ourselves up to be more important, wise, or virtuous than what we really are, but we do, and I especially do.
The Narnia books give such a beautiful reflection and perspective of how faithful God is, with me in my darkest trials, whose love for me drives him to sacrifice anything and everything to save my soul. That makes me want to try harder for him, rely more on him, struggle for love of him.
"May you increase Lord, may I decrease."